Et tu, iTunes?

Seen that cute little commercial for the cute little iPod Shuffle? Heard the cute poppy little number all those silhouettes groove and shuck and jive to? That's The Caesars.

The song is called Jerk it Out. It was released in 2003 on a compilation album called "39 Minutes of Bliss".

No one heard it because The Caesars are a shamelessly derivative band that hasn't made it much farther than their native Sweden.

I heard they played Northern Ireland once but, halfway through the set, the IRA chased them back to Stockholm or wherever. Thankfully The Caesars are good swimmers.

Now, with the help of Apple, their fourth album is poised to circumvent the UK media gauntlet altogether and penetrate deep into the American heartland the way Jerk it Out has already penetrated our collective consciousness. From this position, The Caesars are set to rob our brand-loyal youth of their [vitamin D fortified] milk money. If young Frederick gets rickets, send Steve Jobs the bill.

I think, though, that we still have time to head off this scenario.

So tell your friends and children to watch out for The Caesars' new album "Paper Tigers". Each of the 13 songs [including a shameless re-release of Jerk it Out] are an indistinguishable succession of clap-tracked, surf-rocking, brit-popping, cliché-over-utilizing, bile-surging, distorto-voiced Oasis impersonations.

Sweden has never seemed more sinister.

More cross-promotional proof that Apple doesn't care about you. Thank God I do.